Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Heart is Broken...


I think that my heart is Broken - can I have a new one??? This valentines day was the WORST EVER!!!!

Well it actually started Sunday morning. My left ovary started hurting pretty bad, I had no idea what it might be so we went to the ER. They first did some labs and found out I was pregnant - Surprise! First time ever getting pregnant without fertility drugs. Turned out not to be a good thing however since the ultrasound showed no baby in my uterus, when by that time they should have seen something in there. The ER sent me home saying it could possibly be ectopic and to come back in if anything at all changed, cause if it ruptured it could be life threatening.

The rest of the day it was just a dull pain but come Monday morning (Valentine's Day) it started hurting again - with a vengeance this time. This time the pain was all over my abdominal area - I was just in pain EVERYWHERE!! So back into the ER I went. Not sure why but all they did was give me some morphine and send me home. They told me to call the doctor for a followup. Funny cause when I followed up with the doctor that same day they said "well if it's a possible ectopic pregnancy we would send you to the ER" yeah I'm convinced all doctors are idiots!!

On Monday not only was I in pain (the morphine did nothing to help the pain) but because of the morphine I was vomiting ALL DAY! I literally could keep nothing down all day. I remember trying to eat a piece of ice and having dry heaves from it. It was awful! I was feeling slightly better about 8 that night so I wanted to shower - that was a mistake. I actually ended up passing out. David was beside himself with worry. I thought I just passed out from dehydration and from throwing up all day.

So Tuesday I go into to have labs done and Wednesday morning the doctor finally calls back and tells me that the labs aren't good and I should probably go in and have an ultrasound done. The ultrasound once again showed no baby in my uterus and this time there is what might be blood in my abdominal cavity. They also saw a large something in the region of my left ovary.

That's when the doctor says that I probably should have surgery. That I may have a ruptured fallopian tube. Duh, ya think?

So Wednesday night I had surgery and they said it had definitely ruptured. They also pulled out about 1/3 gallon of clots. Which translates to bleeding out about a gallon of blood! No wonder I looked white! They said there were so many clots the nurse in the operating room was having to stomp on the tube to keep it from clogging up. It turned from a one hour surgery into two hours. The anesthesiologist was surprised I was doing as well as I was before the surgery.

Well I am feeling a little better now, it's been about a week since the surgery. One doctor told me I shouldn't have gotten pregnant so soon after my D&C's and it was probably because of the scarring from the D&C's that the baby stopped in the tube. But another doctor said that since it had been two months since the D&C that it probably wouldn't have mattered how long I had waited to try again, it would have happened on that side anyways. And that there is a 30% chance of it happening on the other side now too.

So my guess is no more kids for us, at least naturally. What a bitter disappointment. Can't seem to catch a break.

And now you know why my heart is broken...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Layoffs

http://www.tri-cityherald.com/2011/01/20/1333876/1600-layoffs-in-the-works-at-hanford.html#storylink=omni_popular

Looks like David will be returning to school in the near future...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sometimes I don't wanna...

do anything! yes it's been one of those days, where I just don't care! Poor Alana's taking the brunt of it, eating out of paper bowls and wearing the same thing as yesterday. Good thing she's so easy going and doesn't care.

I found out that I have to have another D & C this week sometime - not really looking forward to that. My HCG levels (that's the hormone that's called the pregnancy hormone) should be around zero since it's been over a month that I had our angel baby but instead in a week it only went down ten points to 145. This means that there is some placenta left in my uterus that is producing the hormone and needs to be removed. The doctors have said it's because we tried to keep the baby instead of aborting it right away. Once the baby lost all the amniotic fluid the placenta kinda "grabbed" on to the inside of my uterus more than normal and some of it stayed really stuck and they missed it the first time. So back I go. The doctors office just called too, I go in at 11am tomorrow. So fun...

Friday, November 26, 2010

Doing better

It's so weird - I have good days and bad days, yesterday was not that great a day but today has been much better. I've just been chillin with my two favorite people in the world and it has made all the difference. No black Friday shopping for me - we are getting what we want but there were no sales out there to match what I could find on line so yeah for the internet!! I haven't been doing much crafting stuff and I would really like to get back into that so I've decided to splurge and get what I've been wanting for awhile. :):) Maybe my body is doing a little better too with these antibiotics I've been taking. I've had no pain today either - that's a first in over a week - that makes me very happy. Here's to hoping I'm on the mend.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Been hard...

Wow, I did not think this would be so hard. I just miss my baby soooo dang much! Tomorrow I would be 20 weeks - halfway through my pregnancy. It's really hard not to think that I had such a wonderful perfect pregnancy with Alana and then to have my water break so early - I just can't make any sense of it. My brain and heart are having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that I no longer have a baby growing inside me - it just doesn't feel right. I know all the usual things - that he is up there with Heavenly Father, that we can one day be with him again (if we endure to the end of course), that I have a beautiful little girl here with me right now - and don't get me wrong I cherish all this but in those quite moments before falling asleep or when something just hits me, like a song or seeing a pregnant lady I just kinda die inside a little. Like I said - it's been hard.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Our sweet little boy...

Our sweet little boy has gone back to the care of his Father in Heaven. He was not with us very long but he definitely left a very lasting impression on our hearts. When I am ready I will post more...

Monday, November 1, 2010

I'm here...

Hi everyone - I'm here just tired. Been fighting this for over three weeks now and I'm just not really seeing the end in site - I have good days and bad days. I'm gonna go back to bed now...
(if I can get Alana down for a nap)

Oh yeah, I have an Appointment Wednesday at 1 so we'll see how that goes. May the Lord bless us with a little fluid!