Been hard...

Wow, I did not think this would be so hard. I just miss my baby soooo dang much! Tomorrow I would be 20 weeks - halfway through my pregnancy. It's really hard not to think that I had such a wonderful perfect pregnancy with Alana and then to have my water break so early - I just can't make any sense of it. My brain and heart are having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that I no longer have a baby growing inside me - it just doesn't feel right. I know all the usual things - that he is up there with Heavenly Father, that we can one day be with him again (if we endure to the end of course), that I have a beautiful little girl here with me right now - and don't get me wrong I cherish all this but in those quite moments before falling asleep or when something just hits me, like a song or seeing a pregnant lady I just kinda die inside a little. Like I said - it's been hard.